And so my epic saga of heroism, derring-do, a desperate fight against overwhelming evil, and all that jazz, continues. Blackfathom Deeps (23-27), a waterlogged cave system plagued by sea monsters, snake-people and angry elementalists, passed me by entirely – despite my best efforts with Meeting Stones, shouting in the appropriate zones, joining the occasional guild, and even forlornly one-hitting lowbie mobs outside in the hope of attracting passers-by, the optimal levels simply passed too quickly, and before I could get in on a group for the place, I was already too powerful. Nothing prevents me form entering the place anyway, but after having ranted about The Babysitter, it does seem rather hypocritical, and anyway, the fun is in the challenge. No, I missed my opportunity there, and I’ll only ever be back as a farmer or an alt now.

‘Oh well’, I thought, ‘plenty more Dungeons to go.’ Next was Razorfen Kraul (30-35), a briar-twisted canyon in which the Boar People had made their home. They weren’t pleased to see me, and managed to drive me out three times, mostly down to my poor choice of hired help. For some ill-conceived reason the only people who seem to need to go in there, are Warriors. A certain class quest requires some boar-spit or something, that can only be found in there, so the already regrettable over-abundance of Warriors came to a focal nexus in this place, and at one point, I was in a group consisting of four warriors, and a mage, who I think was just lost. We didn’t do well. Of course, the first time I get a group with a healer in, we clean house. I got my spittle, and moved on. Alright…I’ve got the message! I no longer even bother trying to enter the Instance without a healer.

Next a trip to Gnomeregan (26-35), an underground city full of irradiated insane Gnomes and their mechanical servants, which proved to be so harrowing that I’d rather not talk about it - suffice to say Healers = 0, AGAIN. I’ve adopted a pretty numb attitude to Instances now, probably one that is quite common. I poke at Meeting Stones more out of a sense of bitter self-harm more than anything else, fascinated to see how badly five people can do each others heads in, but secretly relieved when the queue turns out to be empty.

Ctrl Alt Del: A picture paints a thousand words, and comics have extra words on top!

Enter the Scarlet Monastery (33-44), a fortress of righteous crusader types bent on destroying the Horde. I had no real intention of going there at all to be honest, being on the verge of giving up grouping altogether. But I’ve gotten into the habit of poking the Innkeeper’s Meeting Stone list every time I Hearthstone back to my base, ‘just in case’. It rarely works, but let’s face it, as a Warrior, I’m not really spoilt for choice.

This time it did work. There was one other person naive enough to queue; one of The Procrastinators, a Warlock. At that point I had to check to see which queue I’d actually joined, as I tend to click through them all quite quickly; Scarlet Monastery. Fair enough, I thought…can’t hurt to wait, and I’d not seen that one yet.

The biggest problem with WoW, I think, is that the players are taught Instant Gratification, by the easiness of the solo-game, then expected to show Limitless Patience in their dealings with others, and mostly what happens is;

  • Join Queue
  • Check Party Size
  • If Party Size < 4, Leave Queue and Group
  • Else Say ‘hi’ and mooch

Having been ‘Meeted’ by the stone, I figured I ought to at least try, so made my way to the Monastery.

Over the course of the next hour, we gather a party of four; Me (Tank), Warlock, Mage, Priest. The Priest was a godsend (heh heh), and I felt like we actually had a chance – all three bases covered, only one tank, and a pet-class as backup. I would have preferred a fifth, but given that it had taken nearly an hour to get this far, I took what I could get.

There were difficulties, however. The Mage, bored of waiting around, had gone off to play in the Battleground. So we waited.

The Mage returns and we make a start. The Warlock enters the wrong Instance (there are two swirleys) and gets killed. So we waited.

We gather in the same Instance, and I make the first pull. It goes well. Then the Mage gets a phone call. ‘afk phone’. So we waited.

The Mage returns and we push forward to the first courtyard. It’s challenging, but the Priest is good, and I manage agro well enough to keep everyone alive. Then the Warlock calls ‘afk’. So we waited.

We kill a few more easier enemies, but the Warlock still isn’t coming back. We reach the first Boss and his minions. I’m not happy with the layout, and suggest we wait for the Warlock. So we waited.

The Warlock returns, just in time for the whole place to start respawning behind us. A hectic scramble later, I decide that it is now no longer safe to keep going, and that we’ve waited too long, and now have to start from scratch. The Priest’s patience expires and they leave. ‘Too slow’. I can’t say I blame them at all, and I am quickly learning that when the Healer says ‘Jump’, the Warrior says ‘How high?’ It’s not so much that I have patience with others, more that I am acutely aware that I need a healer. I’m two-a-penny, but there’s no telling when one of those will be available to help me again.

I left too at that point; no healer, no group. I am a patient man, but even I have limits, and an Instance is a time commitment. I usually allow for about two hours, which on the basis of this trip, is probably somewhat optimistic. I can appreciate RL takes precedence, but if you’re easily interrupted; a child to look after, people phone you a lot, etc, it’s probably best to just solo that day.

All in all, just one more reason why I should probably just STFU and solo to 60, and it’s such a shame, as there was no technical reason why that group could not have swept through to victory. I guess my only chance, and what seems to be becoming my last chance, to fully appreciate the wonderful interactive stories that are ‘The Instance as Intended’, is with a guild, but even that is not necessarily a panacea for all online ills.

At any rate, The Procrastinators are probably still in there today, slowly gathering moss while they wait...