Well, seems like the Warcraftosphere is alive with bits of expansion news, following the ‘Blizzcon’ event, the chiefest of which seems the confirmation of the ‘Blood Elves’ as new Horde race. General opinion seems to be that of disappointment as far as I can tell, a sentiment I share. I mean really – Caucasian-Textured Night Elves? That all ya got?
I always got the impression that on the whole, the Horde was the side to pick for players who don’t take themselves too seriously. “We come from the Orrrrrrrcs, we eat with spoons and forrrrrrrrks, we love to eat our pork!” etc, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’d really want the sort of player who is concerned that their bum looks big in a Tauren suit on my side at a Taren Mill Raid. Still, I guess it really is about teh boobies at the end of the day.
Elves have annoyed me since quite early on in this ridiculous obsession I call a hobby. I started as one myself, so feel qualified to judge. The Elf race, (and there always is one) is essentially everything the commonplace real-life stay-at-home basement-dweller aspires to, but can’t be arsed to sort out themselves; beautiful, wise, forever young, clinically immortal, unconcerned with material things, a tragic pseudo-gothic melancholy streak a mile wide – mysterious, tranquil, exotic and effortlessly powerful. All that rubbish appealed to me, back in the day, when I sought escape from real life through fantasy. Nowadays they seem to me to represent everything ridicule-worthy about RPGs, the pinnacle of nerdiness atop a massive edifice of nerd. I blame Tolkien.
I’m not sure when I grew out of it, but I did. You start to recognise the inherent single-aspect caricature of humanity that all fantasy races end up as. Elves are just maudlin, anaemic and overly sentimental humans, with pointy ears. Dwarves are just gruff, alcoholic, raucous, greedy humans who happen to be quite short. Orcs are just brutal, violent humans with green skin, and so on. From then on, I’ve always tended toward the ‘comedy’ races, figuring that if I don’t take my avatar seriously, then neither should anyone else; Gnomes (Short mechanicaly minded, eccentric humans) and Halflings (Short fat comfort-loving humans who smoke too much) mostly, and with WoW, Trolls (Tall blue laconic humans who eat other humans) and Orcs. With WoW, it’s a lot more comfortable, since pretty much every race is a comedy race to some degree.
So the news that the new race is going to be a license for yet more troubled youngsters to glam-goth it all up and start flouncing around with names like 'Arwenquentanaeinanea' fills me with profound disappointment. Night elves are bad enough, but you get used to it – mostly by picking Horde and smashing their faces in any chance you get. Now Orgrimmar, usually a haven from pouting ‘exotic hotties’ /dancing on pillars is to get it’s own brand of pointy eared ‘hawt’, and most of all, I feel disappointment. I’d have preferred the Panda people to be honest, but it seems that’s just a rumour still. The new Alliance race is yet to be announced. Blood Elvis, perhaps? More likely, it'll be Frogloks all over again - some traditional monster race, who suddenly come over all 'Paladin' in an extremely unlikely turn of events - The Kobold Order, or somesuch.
You want my neat idea for the expansion? Of course you don’t, but here it is anyway: Goblin Civil War! You make Goblin selectable for Horde AND Alliance, add their ‘Undermine’ place as a new city, and watch hilarity ensue! For me, the coolest race in the Warcraft universe was always the Goblins.
Ahh! Potential Customer!