I've been at this for quite a while now; both the blogging and the online gaming, and I suppose in many ways, for me they've become somewhat entwined. I don't know what it is that makes me feel that I have to play a bit of an online game, and then go away and bang out thousands of words on what happened, here.
Partly, I think its is a kind of self-justification - I spend a lot of my free time plinking away at some made up and arbitrary task set for me by a group of game designers I've never met, and am never likely to. While in most cases, I do enjoy the games for their own sake, I do worry a bit that I have nothing concrete to show for it all. When the server is switched off, what will be left of the countless hours I've spent there?
Its never time wasted exactly, if I've enjoyed the moment, but I guess a part of me wants something a little more lasting than you get from the average xp bar or quest journal, and keeping this little diary, as I do, serves admirably in that regard.
Part of it is simply that I quite enjoy writing, and a blog has always seemed a good way of keeping in practice at that kind of thing, and far more accessible than sitting down with a blank Word Document, rolling up the sleeves and deciding that today, I shall write the Great 21st Century Novel! Write about what you know, they say, and a blog about online gaming definitely qualifies, in my case. I expect a part of it is simply that I'm in love with the sound of my own...er...typing.
I guess if I'm honest, I probably am addicted to MMOs. Its okay. I can handle it, and on the whole it doesn't interfere with my ability to function as an adult in a Real Life Society too much. I get to work on time (mostly), despite the many late nights fighting monsters and trying to keep up with online Americans socially. (GMT +8, ouch!) I get paid, I pay the bills and things tick along quite satisfactorily, but I can't imagine not playing MMOs. What do The Normal People do with their time? TV? Golf? Domestic Discord? None of these hobbies appeal or can come close to the nightly escapism I shamelessly indulge in. Mind you, perhaps if I were more driven in my real life doings, I might not feel the need to escape so often. Its all a bit cyclic, and hurts if I think about it too much, but for better or worse, these online adventures are very much a part of who I am now, and on the whole, I'm happy with who I am.
Many MMO bloggers have better reasons than I for maintaining their work, for continually enlarging their archives and putting finger to... er... keyboard so regularly, and I've often both admired and been jealous of, that sense of purpose I've never quite been able to muster.
Some seek to inform, to be reference works for the larger and less literary-inclined MMO gaming population. I, like many bloggers and gamers, just don't have the time or the energy to chase every scrap of news, so having a place to find it all collected, and given some informed editorial analysis is always welcome. Brent (of Virgin Worlds), Michael (of The Internet!), OGRank and the folks at Wandering Goblin spring to mind as examples.
Some seek to change, to examine in painstaking depth games, mechanics, systems and ideas that may have only been hurried last minute afterthoughts for the busy and beleaguered game developer, and passing irritations to be gotten around or ignored by the rest of us. While we might just think 'That sucks' and move on, these bloggers instead consider, debate and suggest, taking apart these subjectively flawed aspects, canvas opinion and come up with improvements, traditionally paid 'focus group' work, carried out purely because of a passion to see a better game. Not everyone agrees on 'better' of course, and this passion can often take the form of The Rant, but that's not always a bad thing, and I find that people only put that much energy into something they truly care about. Hate is a kind of love.
Examples include Tobold, Syncaine, the folks at Terranova; all people who put a lot of thought into what these games are all about, and how to make them better.
I do hope their outpourings are not in vain, and that some of these things are read, picked up and used, by the people who can actually do something about it all, even if it isn't the done thing to admit so, particularly when its done in such a measured, calm and constructive fashion, rather than the typical 400-reply 'My class sucks kthxbai' thread found on most General Discussion MMO forums.
Some make games themselves, and still find the time to blog about it all, to keep in touch, either overtly, or in Internet Disguise. I personally got in to some trouble over this myself, back before the start of this blog, mentioning some ill-advised things about my employer on a different blog, which they subsequent then read and correctly pinned on me. I kept the job, but can certainly recognise the painstakingly fine line that a professional MMO game dev must walk with every single post. It's a lot easier simply not to blog at all in that situation, I'd imagine, so those who still do it are worthy of respect, I think. Scott Jennings, Raph Koster, Ryan Shwayder, Damion Schubert are all examples of this, along with the countless others who post, by necessity, under pseudonyms. We constantly scour these places for hints, leaks and gossip, and perhaps find less than we'd hoped, but that's only because there is only so much these people can say, and still keep their jobs.
Some do it for the sense of community. It's nice having some place extra that all us with the strange and often socially unfashionable secret lives can gather and share our experiences, and geek out without the [Insert Popular Physical Spectator Sport of your Locality Here] Jocks ridiculing us for pretending to be elves, spaceship captains and whatnot. I tend to skilfully steer office conversations about 'hobbies' back to 'work related matters' where I can, or if pressed, simply go 'Computer Games.' and curtly leave it at that, hoping they'll lose interest. It's better since World of Warcraft of course; most people in technical industries have at least heard of that, but its still hard work finding kindred spirits in day to day life, I find. I still remain somewhat in awe of the Kill Ten Rats link list, and the Shut Up We're Talking Podcast goes a long way to making me feel like I'm, if not Normal, per se, then at least not alone in my obsessions.
Most however, just do it to tell tales, in the grand diary tradition. Life in MMOs through the lens of a single player's own personal experiences. It's what I try to do here most of all I suppose, despite the occasional pretension of journalism, design or insight. Write about what you know, and all that - I know "What I Did Last Night", mostly, but beyond that...pfft. Personally, I always enjoy these, seeing what other people think of the same gaming exercise I've just gone through, seeing how they might have done it differently, or got something different from the same experience. I especially like the MMO Blogging Polymaths, those who, like me, are rarely satisfied with just the one game and feel driven to roam, to wander from title to title as I do, in some Quixotic quest to find something I'm not sure I'd recognise if I actually found it anymore. Wilhelm, Saylah and Sente are to name but a few of these wanderers, who seem equally at ease in any MMO you'd put in front of them, the only common thread being the depth and quality of their impressions.
Apologies if I've missed your own blog in the above gratuitous name-dropping, but be assured, I do try to take the time to read everything in my 'Monster Hunters' sidebar, and more besides, even if I tend not to comment a lot. I do try to be strict with that link list by the way, and don't put links there for places that aren't mostly about MMOs, or that have an excessive, (but sadly understandable) surfeit of adverts. Despite that, I've seen great posts about MMO stuffs on more 'general' blogs too.
But the preceding schmooze-fest essay does sort of have a point, and that is to offer you, dear reader, some alternatives to my own blog here for the next couple of months. As mentioned previously, my own Real Life has gotten a bit busier over the last few months, and time is starting to be squeezed a bit for me. Sleep and Work have to stay, unfortunately, leaving only the blogging, the reading of other peoples blogs, and the gaming itself. Without the gaming, I'd have nothing to blog about, so I'm taking a few months off of being Van Hemlock. The old blogging batteries are starting to fade somewhat of late anyway, and with the wrapping up of my big Guild Wars Adventure, this seems like an ideal time to have a bit of a holiday from blogging.
I expect I will be back sooner or later - the blogging is a part of who I am now too - but couldn't say when. Feel free to take me off link lists as necessary!
Rest assured though, I'll still be out there, fighting monsters as ever; jostling past you at the vendors, tsking about how showy your firey swords, epic armour and pimped out spaceships are, silently deploring your abilities as a pickup group member and over-reliance on the ':P' emote and ought to have a whole new load of things to talk about (PotBS, TR, AoC, WAR, more Op. Cheapseats, etc) when I inevitably cave in and start rambling again!
Until there, have fun, and don't let Johnny Monster get the upper hand!