So yes, there is the distinct possibility that a small degree of Free Realms might be happening in the long dark hours of the soul, between midnight and dawn. Its a harmless enough form of self-flagellation and I can control it! Seems I'm not alone in my shameful dirty furtive late night forays, and SOE have now proudly announced the Two Million subscribers customers members users registrants mark in a somewhat startlingly short time from launch. Well done there.

Despite being told not to, I figured I might analyse the game a bit; I'm a blogger, it's that or a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head I'm afraid. Hell, I even review MMOs! I'm out of control!

Anyway heres the jobs, in order of my own fascination with them:

Adventurer: My highest level of them all, this isn't so much a job itself, more a magpie-like obsession with anything that glows, or has sparkles, or is a collection, or all of the above. I'm very much an Explorer type anyway, and this is a manifestation of that gameplay. Mind you, Explorers are notorious for ravenously consuming content far faster than it can be made, so who knows how long this'll last. For now though, very much enjoying the old fashioned fun of exploring a brand new world, even if it is a world in which they've turned Bloom and Saturation up to ELEVEN!

Chef & Miner: Strip away the icons and outfits and these two professions are functionally identical. I prefer Chef I think, as the fields are easier to find, and I can make finished products. Mining produces metal bars that I'd need the member-only profession of Blacksmith to be able to do anything with. I wonder how many million Copper Bars are sat doing nothing in non-member inventories, simply because the activity of making them is a fun game in itself. Does it need an Auction House, or is that missing the point here? Regardless, I quite enjoy the three-in-a-row puzzle game. The Cooking Mama style processing games are less fun, possibly because I'm quite cack-handed with the mouse on those for some reason. Designed for a console controller?

Card Duelist: The trading card game seems interesting, and at early stages against the computer opponents, quite easy to play. I fear playing actual other people though, as I'm likely to get pwned sideways and lollerskated over extensively. Need more study here!

Kart Driver/Demolition Derby Driver: Strangely, I've simply not given this much of a look. Not a big racing game fan anyway though.

Pet Trainer: Find this quite hard to take seriously, but really ought to try it properly before mouthing off about it here. The initial tutorial thing seemed to purely consist of rubbing a dog behind the ears though. Probably Not For Me.

Postman: Can't stand the timed run-around clicky exercises that this entails. There are other unconnected games that do this too and I hate them as well. This is obviously a hate born of inadequacy, but for some reason I have real troubles clicking the objects and moving about the place fast enough. Yes, I know about the floating wing powerups, and they seem not to help. Probably my own fault here, but regardless, don't like it!

Brawler & Ninja: My god the combat in this game is dull. I appreciate the irony of this, me being an MMO player and all, but something about Free Realms combat throws the absurdity of the entire genre in to sharp relief, and may not only put me off Free Realms, but all other MMOs as well, leaving me with only A Tale In The Desert for solace. Also, I'm finding that I'm an incredible pacifist, and even in normal MMOs, I almost never attack any non-hostile mobs unless a quest demands. In Free Realms, everything is non-hostile, meaning that the necessity of combat to get from A to B safely, no longer exists. Curious. If I had to pick one, I'd go with Ninja, purely because one of their two hotkeys is a ranged attack, making pulling possible. I'll probably end up leveling them anyway, because I'm fundamentally incapable of ignoring an empty progress bar, but I know I'll not enjoy it in the slightest. Heigh ho!

Unrelated observation; Heartless_ is spot on about People. Theres ten servers, and when passing through Sanctuary, what I assume to be the busiest spot in the game, there can be as many as 10-15 people there at a time. I do wonder where the other 1,999,985 players are. Mind you, there is a lot of instancing going on in there. I've no idea what the grouping is like as I've been doing my best to stay the hell away from Everyone Else in case I accidentally end up on a List for being Inappropriately Polite to Minors while Online. I suspect if you really want to do the grouping thing in Free Realms, you will need to pay, as four of the Member Only Jobs, the Wizard, Warrior, Archer and Medic all sound much more familiar to the MMO traditionalist than Brawler and Ninja, which if I was going to be a pretentious MMO Ponce, I'd put firmly in the Solo DPS Category!

I'd have to side with the skeptical curmudgeon brigade when suddenly startled by a huge fanfare and a two million players. It's the sort of thing that makes me instantly suspicious. On the other hand, I can't deny that there are large parts of the game that I am genuinely enjoying. Oh the turmoil!